NO WIND
So what does this all mean?? im not sure. but im scared
dont have money to pay things
my dad is constantly yelling
throwing things
ryan said devin and i wouldnt last
man...
idk
im depressed
im just....
done
the constant yelling about my mom make me cut.
for moments i dont feel the need to do it. and then i feel my lungs start to close, tighten. my thoughts get fuzzy, i become someone else. i start shaking and breathing hard.
everytime
im truely terrified of myself
im scared that i will disappoint someone.
thats all i seem to be good at.
goodness if my scars could speak...
what stories they would have.
it makes me feel nasty at times. when i cut.
i wonder "am i doing it for attention?" but i dont care if someone sees them or doesnt see them.
im confused
im depressed
constantly angry
at the world
at myself
for letting things happen
for never saying a word
im sickened at this girl called stephanie
i am appalled at what she is and who she is
right now....
if i could...
i think id rip my veins out with a knife.
please god, anyone, someone
help me
I have wondered for awhile what I should do. I seem depressed.
Friends come and go
and I wish they wouldnt.
drama everywhere
I wish it would go away
Fuck life is going by so fast and what have i done for 17 years?
nothing really. Just sat around and cried and bitched about life. Like Im doing right now.
I feel the pressure start to hit me
It feels like I cant breath
and I start to panic
Maybe I dont want to grow up??
Maybe I would be happier if I was just a kid again.
but even then it was bad.
can I stop this? Stop all this bullshit and just say Im ok?
Say itll all be fine
and I have nothing to worry about??
No I doubt I ever will say that
Maybe being a negative person has burned it into my mind
that I wont ever be happy.
Yea I know how people always say "oh youll be happy once youre 18 and you live your own life"
Well I think those who say that lie
I will probably fall into a nothingness of sick and fucking ugly depression
that will tear apart what little soul I have
and crush me into a loser
A pathetic
Worthless
Insignificant person
Fuck
